Maybe it’s because I tried to get an Argos employee sacked, but it’s clear that I am the asshat in this story
This story reflects so badly on me in so many ways that it is hard to know where to begin. Usually, I would start with the lesser crime, to divert attention from the major one, but the entire arc of this event is just shades of asshat, and the only asshat is me. No, wait, there was one other: at the start of the week, someone cloned my credit card. They then attempted four purchases from Argos, which they would have got away with, if it were not for their next move: a £900 item from Harrods. This completely undid the algorithms of the universe (“What,” the mighty computer asked, “could you possibly need from Harrods when you have already spent nearly a grand in Argos?”), and I started getting automated texts asking me to approve the purchases. “No!” I texted back with some urgency, though the answer they were looking for was “N”. This is the kind of mistake a drunk person makes and I was drunk. It can’t be helped. We have moved house and been celebrating for 32 days solid. “Do you think you’re taking this seriously enough?” one of the children asked. I don’t know exactly what I was doing to elicit it, but this is a question you should never be asked by a 13-year-old.
So it came to pass that I did not get through to the fraud team until halfway through the following day. The bank wanted me to check with Argos that it was just my card that had been compromised, not my account. I really did not want to make another call that would commence with a one-minute recording telling me that, due to coronavirus, waiting times were exceptionally long. It is just such a swizz. Sure, some services will be squeezed by a global pandemic, but some not so much. A better message would be: “In these unprecedented times, we are using the lack of precedent as a universal get-out-of-jail-free card and you’ll just never know whether or not it is justified.” You would spend just as much time on hold, but you would not feel so cheated.