The mixed reaction to her speaking up proves that there’s a long way to go before women feel comfortable sharing their pain
Yesterday, the Duchess of Sussex became the latest public figure to reveal her membership of a secret club that no one wants to join. In a piece that was rapidly read around the world, Meghan described the July morning on which she suffered the miscarriage of her second pregnancy and the “almost unbearable grief” she and her husband have experienced. “I knew,” she writes, “as I clutched my firstborn child, that I was losing my second.” It is an arresting image, unusual in its representation of the two opposing truths about reproduction – nurturing new life on the one hand, loss and death on the other – in such close proximity to each other.
Although miscarriages are surprisingly common – experienced by approximately one in four women – there continue to be pervasive taboos around the subject. This is partly because around 85% of miscarriages occur within the first trimester, before most women publicly announce their pregnancies. This leaves many, like Meghan, mourning the loss of a much-wanted baby that no one even knew about. The infertility activist Katy Lindemann has called the early months “a sort of Schrödinger’s pregnancy”, when women are expected to hedge their bets and accept miscarriages without a fuss. She points out that the 12-week rule imposes an unnecessary and harmful secrecy around pregnancy loss, leaving women to cope alone just when they most need support and community.